Go- But Go Before You Need To?

Our office administrator sent us a fun little email a few days ago....we are supposed to go, potty that is, before we need to.
Say what?

Due to improvements (anything here would be an improvement) to our "water lines" the water will be shut off at 4 p.m.! So, for those of you working stiffs, like us, this will be an entire hour before we leave work for the day. What are they thinking? That's like asking a child not to crap it's diapers!

We can't get co-workers, and strangers to our building to courtesy flush when it is clearly needed, now you are telling us we can't use the bathroom for an entire hour (actually, the service is overnight) while at work??
I am sure the day after will be a fun one, filled with unflushed commodes and the odors to match.

Are you THAT lazy?

Working in a public building, with a public restroom, you expect to see and smell a few things. The biggest thing to "get my goat" so to speak is the absolute lazy behavior of my co-workers.

Growing up, oh so many years ago, a basic principle was taught to me- trash belongs in the trashcan. This isn't a hard, or even new concept, so why is it so hard for grown women to grasp this concept? Every day I walk into the restroom to find not a trashcan that has overflown because it hasn't been emptied, but a half full trashcan with trash STILL on the floor. Really? What is the problem? You managed to actually wash your hands, but can't manage to make the drop in the can? And you know what? I am absolutely embarrassed by this utter lack of respect. You make everyone look bad with your poor behavior.

Worse yet, our office recently implemented a new cleaning/trash service, and we are now responsible for taking out our own office trash. When you wonder where that rotten, half eaten sandwich smell is lurking from, it's probably directed from one of their offices.

Lovely.

A Letter to You Poopy Lady

Dear lady in the stall next to me in our shared public restrooms:

 I know you are trying to take a crap at work. I know you are embarrassed and probably don't want to. Well you know what? You are in a public restroom. People WILL come in and out. And you silently sitting there while you wait for me to speed pee and get the hell out (I don't like it when people are listening and also you make me uncomfortable and I feel bad for you) not cool. So please, either find a nice private potty where no one goes. Or find one that everyone goes to take a poop in. Or maybe you don't have a massive bathroom like that.

Either way, just do it. Take the dump. People will continue to come in and out. Are you gonna stay on that seat ALL afternoon? It's annoying. And I don't like being rushed.  Just courtesy flush and be done with it.


Thanks.

Pre-School 101

You remember pre-school right? That fabulous time where you got to eat graham crackers, take naps and play outside all day? Right. You also learned how to wash your hands. Kids as young as 3 years old know that they have to wash their hands after going to the potty. It's not rocket science.

So why, oh WHY is this so hard for adults to grasp the concept?  It's quite disgusting to go into a public restroom (as if they aren't gross enough with the pee on the seats and the stench of something that's NOT roses).

Seriously: grown women (I'm sure men are guilty too, but I only use the women's restroom thank you very much) that DO NOT WASH THEIR HANDS. Yeah, we aren't serving burgers, but you know what? Your grubby ass hands are touching the door that I have to open. It's sick. It's scary to think what these people do at home. And then they bring in pot luck? Um, not so much thank you.

So here's a lesson in washing your hands:

1) When you pee, WASH YOUR MO TO THE FO hands when you're done.
2) USE SOAP (again with the ridiculousness. People actually pretend to wash their hands by just rinsing with water. This doesn't get the pee germs off!).
3) Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. 5 seconds isn't enough. Sing the ABCs. Sing Happy Birthday twice. SOMETHING. Just do it.

So now you know.

Somebody's Watching...

When you work in a public building, you're not alone. Ever. Not even in the bathroom.  Someone will always be coming in after you and you're coming in after someone else.  So PLEASE, for the LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE flush your toilet.

"Oh but I do!" you say? Then why is there still business left in the toilet. That is so damn gross.  So you had to take care of the dirty work while you were at the office. You're embarrassed (or maybe you're not) and you just want to get out of there. Right? Well leaving a trail behind is not so bueno.  Flush. Flush again. Then look back and make sure you haven't left any friends behind.

*hell even cats can be taught to flush! you're smarter than a cat, right?*

I know--you're amazed that I am writing this. You must think I work in a zoo. Or I must be making it up. I assure you, all of the stories presented on Potty Party in My Pants are true stories...all parties are innocent until proven guilty. Only, most all of them are guilty! Gross. Just flush, ok?

You think that smells bad? Get a wiff of this....

When you walk into any public restroom, you never know what you might see or smell. I think this blog has shown that to you. While my biggest gripe is always what is observed visually, this blog cannot convey the smells one encounters.

In my office bathroom, I have seen it all (or at least HOPE I have), but one thing that continues to amaze me are the smells.

Face it, we all go; some people more than others, and based on what you have eaten recently, the smells can greatly vary. I certainly am not perfect; shit happens, right? But, I am decent enough to flush regularly if I am having “issues” in a public facility. It’s just common courtesy.

But the topper here ladies and gents- we have a woman in our office who, at her own expense, buys air fresheners for the women’s bathroom. I mean, come on people, how much easier can it be? Flush often, it’s not your water bill, and for goodness sake, give that Febreeze/Airwick, etc. a few pumps!

And we're back!

Sorry, the Potty PIMP Queens were on a much needed vacation. But we got some great stuff that we had to share.  Here are our favorite gems from Boston.

that's a toilet you pay $0.25 to use. i am sad to report, it didn't work when we tried it.

um really?

nice little trip to the potty. complete with open porthole. this is the potty party on a ship.

Signs

Signs. We look for them, and see them everywhere. I would estimate we spend, at a minimum, an hour a day just reading signs. Driving to work every morning, I pass at least 20 signs along the roadside.

When you visit your favorite Chinese restaurant, you’re given what some might consider a sign; a simple, tasty, fortune cookie, packed with a sliver of paper revealing a sign, whether it be true love is coming, or for some who pay attention, lucky lottery numbers. Likewise, on a visit to any restaurant, there will either be a No Smoking sign, or far better, a Non-Smoking establishment. Before you light up, you look and ask yourself, “can I smoke here?” And one of my favorites, “Employees must wash hands before returning to work.” Really? Do we REALLY need to tell people to wash their hands before preparing or serving us food?

Thinking about signs, I am reminded of one I first saw more than 30 years ago in a friend’s bathroom (and more than 30 years later, we remain close friends.) The sign read, “If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be a sweetie, and wipe the seatie.” I can still remember it hanging on that bathroom wall and reading it every time I was in there. I still recall that saying on visits to the bathroom at work. I use to think the sign was posted as a reminder to the men in the household, now I am convinced it isn’t a gender issue. My first thought when I see a sprinkle, is always how did that get there? Was a man using our restroom? And secondly, how did you not sprinkle on yourself? And lastly, and more importantly, how, after turning around to flush, did you not see what you left behind?

Signs; they should be every where.

You're Not THAT Important

When I go to the bathroom, I'm not there to socialize. I'm not there to make small talk. And I am certainly not there to hear you talk on your freaking phone. You know what? The person you are talking to doesn't want to hear people taking care of business and the toilet flushing in the background. If your call is that important that you feel the need to carry it on whereever you may be, including the bathroom, take it outside! Walk outside the building and talk. Or better yet, don't come in the bathroom! You're coming into the bathroom for privacy to make a phone call. Uh, ohh-kay buddy, that makes a lot of sense. Because in the bathroom, I can't hear anything you are saying.

Do what you want at home, but there is a reason public bathrooms aren't set up like this:

I'd prefer to pee without an audience, thank you very much. Now hang up and shut it.

Shit Happens: Even if you don't want it to

On a recent sleepover, my beloved 2 ½ year old niece told me, “I gotta go potty.” I grabbed her up and we made our way into the bathroom. First helping her with her shorts, and then helping her with her pull-up. As the pull-ups came down, so did the proverbial turd. As I then placed her on the toilet, she pointed to the, ahem, turd, that had landed on the floor and exclaimed, “Ewww. I go potty on the floor.” I laughed, telling her it was ok, and quickly removed the specimen from view.


At 2, my niece knew “potty” any where else but the commode was not appropriate.



On an almost daily basis, as I walk into the restroom at my office, I am greeted with “something” left, dare I say it, behind, on the seat. I don’t work in a school; I work in a professional business setting. My co-workers, all of which are clearly over the age of 2, and over the age of 21 for that matter, could learn a lesson from my niece.