You think that smells bad? Get a wiff of this....

When you walk into any public restroom, you never know what you might see or smell. I think this blog has shown that to you. While my biggest gripe is always what is observed visually, this blog cannot convey the smells one encounters.

In my office bathroom, I have seen it all (or at least HOPE I have), but one thing that continues to amaze me are the smells.

Face it, we all go; some people more than others, and based on what you have eaten recently, the smells can greatly vary. I certainly am not perfect; shit happens, right? But, I am decent enough to flush regularly if I am having “issues” in a public facility. It’s just common courtesy.

But the topper here ladies and gents- we have a woman in our office who, at her own expense, buys air fresheners for the women’s bathroom. I mean, come on people, how much easier can it be? Flush often, it’s not your water bill, and for goodness sake, give that Febreeze/Airwick, etc. a few pumps!

And we're back!

Sorry, the Potty PIMP Queens were on a much needed vacation. But we got some great stuff that we had to share.  Here are our favorite gems from Boston.

that's a toilet you pay $0.25 to use. i am sad to report, it didn't work when we tried it.

um really?

nice little trip to the potty. complete with open porthole. this is the potty party on a ship.

Signs

Signs. We look for them, and see them everywhere. I would estimate we spend, at a minimum, an hour a day just reading signs. Driving to work every morning, I pass at least 20 signs along the roadside.

When you visit your favorite Chinese restaurant, you’re given what some might consider a sign; a simple, tasty, fortune cookie, packed with a sliver of paper revealing a sign, whether it be true love is coming, or for some who pay attention, lucky lottery numbers. Likewise, on a visit to any restaurant, there will either be a No Smoking sign, or far better, a Non-Smoking establishment. Before you light up, you look and ask yourself, “can I smoke here?” And one of my favorites, “Employees must wash hands before returning to work.” Really? Do we REALLY need to tell people to wash their hands before preparing or serving us food?

Thinking about signs, I am reminded of one I first saw more than 30 years ago in a friend’s bathroom (and more than 30 years later, we remain close friends.) The sign read, “If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be a sweetie, and wipe the seatie.” I can still remember it hanging on that bathroom wall and reading it every time I was in there. I still recall that saying on visits to the bathroom at work. I use to think the sign was posted as a reminder to the men in the household, now I am convinced it isn’t a gender issue. My first thought when I see a sprinkle, is always how did that get there? Was a man using our restroom? And secondly, how did you not sprinkle on yourself? And lastly, and more importantly, how, after turning around to flush, did you not see what you left behind?

Signs; they should be every where.

You're Not THAT Important

When I go to the bathroom, I'm not there to socialize. I'm not there to make small talk. And I am certainly not there to hear you talk on your freaking phone. You know what? The person you are talking to doesn't want to hear people taking care of business and the toilet flushing in the background. If your call is that important that you feel the need to carry it on whereever you may be, including the bathroom, take it outside! Walk outside the building and talk. Or better yet, don't come in the bathroom! You're coming into the bathroom for privacy to make a phone call. Uh, ohh-kay buddy, that makes a lot of sense. Because in the bathroom, I can't hear anything you are saying.

Do what you want at home, but there is a reason public bathrooms aren't set up like this:

I'd prefer to pee without an audience, thank you very much. Now hang up and shut it.

Shit Happens: Even if you don't want it to

On a recent sleepover, my beloved 2 ½ year old niece told me, “I gotta go potty.” I grabbed her up and we made our way into the bathroom. First helping her with her shorts, and then helping her with her pull-up. As the pull-ups came down, so did the proverbial turd. As I then placed her on the toilet, she pointed to the, ahem, turd, that had landed on the floor and exclaimed, “Ewww. I go potty on the floor.” I laughed, telling her it was ok, and quickly removed the specimen from view.


At 2, my niece knew “potty” any where else but the commode was not appropriate.



On an almost daily basis, as I walk into the restroom at my office, I am greeted with “something” left, dare I say it, behind, on the seat. I don’t work in a school; I work in a professional business setting. My co-workers, all of which are clearly over the age of 2, and over the age of 21 for that matter, could learn a lesson from my niece.

Welcome Friends!

This is the inaugural post for the newly created "Potty Party in My Pants." One of many to come. You will laugh. You will cry (probably from laughing). You may scoff and wonder if this crap is true. You might also vommy vom at the disgusting stories you hear, because seriously, we can't make this shizz up.

Can't wait to see you again soon!